Dear Father Christmas,
Please, oh porky, jolly one, pleeeease grant me this early Christmas present, I promise I'll be EVER so good in the future, I promise not to make a single more snarky comment about Heather Mills's leg again, please pretty please help me out here. You just HAVE to make Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes split up, I just KNOW you have the power to do so, and you MUST want to dig up some unsavoury photos of Tom in a compromising position with an L. Ron Hubbard statue, so as to force Katie away from that evil, EVIL man. For goodness sakes, the man wears HEELS! Is that not enough to convince you, Papa Noel?
How about the fact that he has FLAT-OUT refused to accompany Katie to see her family after the birth of that unfortunate child, Suri, and I quote, from a source, 'Katie was really happy he said that, because she’d been afraid to admit to him that she didn’t want him to go.' What sort of relationship is that, eh? EH?! A close friend of hers even said 'Katie’s very unhappy and beginning to realize she may have made a major mistake being with Tom.' Well, if only she'd been reading Star Trip before she first clapped eyes on the midget, that's all I can say, and I bet you're thinking it too, Father C. So please just grant me this one early Christmas present, and I'll never ask you for anything again, OOH, except maybe for Heather Mills to be unfortunately eaten alive by a pack of seal pups she tries to rescue in Canada. Yeh, that'd be awesome. :)
Love, [Katherine Hannaford]
