You can picture the executive producer's meeting for this series of Love Island. They're all sitting around chewing their pens, looking at last years ratings and what made the show so popular, and they've got one problem. One young gun eventually pipes up:
"How can we repeat the success of last year?"
"Well," says another. "Last year it was successful because Paul Danan was being an idiot."
"Okay," another pipes up. "Let's shove some other unknown mid-20s male in and see if that works."
"I'm not sure," says the first guy, puzzled. "Is it enough?"
"I don't think so," admits the second. "We'll need to spend hours brainstorming trying to think how we can capture viewers this time round."
"Or," says the third, his eye on a round of golf. "We could just put Paul Danan back in there again."
"Sold!"
Honestly. Is nothing original in TV anymore?
So, the Danan is back. He spent awhile cooped up in a "secret suite", making inane comments and pulling stupid faces. Oh how we missed you and your own particular brand of twattish behaviour, Paul! Finally he's let back in to the main camp and... let's just say, the original residents are less than pleased. Sophie Anderton pipes up saying she hates him, swiftly joined by Victoria Hervey (I WILL NOT call her a Lady), as the Bitches of Eastwick (or Fiji) plot to get him out. [Toni Kelly]
When asked who he fancies, Paul admits to camera that he's got a soft spot for Playboy bunny Colleen. Well, join the queue. So far, that's Brendan, Chris and now Shane (more of that in a moment) that fancy her. Does she fancy anyone back? As Sophie put it: "She'll fly back to LA and start dating some millionaire."
And yes, Shane has finally broken ranks and decided he fancies someone - but it's not Sophie. Considering Sophie is turning into the Jayne Middlemiss of this series (I wouldn't dare touch Shane, would you?), I'd think Colleen might want to start sleeping with one eye open. Shane admitted he'd like to get to know Colleen, when in the next shot Sophie was questioning Colleen on whether she liked Shane. When Colleen answered no, Sophie was suddenly willing to be best friends again.
Listen, Sophie love. You've had a rough time and I know a gorgeous Irish D-lister looks like a good idea, but HE'S NOT INTERESTED. He's only said it about a million times (though not to her face - probably too scared). Lee's admitted to wanking over you - I'd imagine he's a sure thing.
Kelle continues to fancy Brendan - it's so bloody obvious - but is still, essentially, the odd one out who no one fancies back. Brendan is turning his Kaplinsky-wooing-charms on Colleen but... she's not interested. Why exactly is she on the show? Brendan is gorgeous, you stupid cow!
There was quite a sad moment when Nobody Lee admitted that he's got it bad for Bianca, but followed on by saying she's got "man" Leo to get off with, so is unlikely to pick a spikey-haired moron who looks like he's 14. However, he does seem to have genuine affection for the girl, which is quite nice to see.
As for Bianca and Leo, a late night snog-a-thon broke Lee's heart. Is it just me, or was Bianca not an entirely willing participant?
Put Lee and Bianca in the Love Shack guys! Vote for the underdog! Maybe she likes her men squeaky and without descended testicles.
As for the remaining islanders, Victoria Hervey continues to be useless as does Chris - who I shall from now on refer to as 'Son Of' - and... who else is in there?
Just a quick note: I'm enjoying the interplay between Ferne and Patrick this year.
See you tomorrow!
