Top Ten Stories
As if celebrities aren't already superior to us mere civilians, Natalie Portman dons her battle rags and enters the war zone of Israel, to visit her family despite the war with Hezbollah. Bring us back a souvenir, won't you love?
Thank the lord, Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie are reportedly civil with one another now. Is it too soon to suggest a threesome?
Owen Wilson-obsessives, time to hike down to your nearest Agent Provocateur, as he is apparently not bedding Kate Hudson, who is rumoured to be back with her homeless-looking husband.
Elton John proves he is walking ever closer along the path to senility and dementia, as he apparently wants to work 'with Pharrell, Timbaland, Snoop, Kanye, Eminem and just see what happens'. What happens, Elt, is that you'll wind up being shot.
Kevin Federline has landed a speaking role in CSI, where he'll be playing a 'threatening' teenager. At the tender age of...28?
More hope for Jennifer Aniston of staying Brad's parents' preferred choice of daughter-in-law, as they are offended by Angelina Jolie's drunk behaviour and 'tactless' personality at a recent birthday party for Maddox.
It's official, Suri Cruise will make her debut in the October issue of Vanity Fair.
At least the musical will be in keeping with the film version of Chicago, as fellow emaciated singer Ashlee Simpson is set to star as Roxie Hart, the part portrayed by Renee Zellweger in the film.
Not content with just stealing The Office from our fair shores, HBO are set to remake Little Britain to entertain Americans. Somehow I think the Vicky Pollard skits will be more of a real-life drama over there than a comedy.
And apparently Eminem is not a misogynistic so and so, he is, infact, channeling Buddha. Right...