Poor the children of Wimbledon. The Hoff has pulled out of the local pantomime this year, in order to clap jugglers on some poxy US TV talent show. Dave, your principles! They're behind you! He was due to play Captain Hook in Peter Pan, being paid £300,000 for the privilege.
So who's stepping into The Hoff's shoes for the role? Ross Kemp. You know, Grant Mitchell out of Eastenders. A man who, as far as I know, has never run along a beach in orange Speedos, sparked the destruction of the Berlin Wall by power of soft-rock alone, or formed a successful crime-busting partnership with a talking car. For shame.
