If you're reading this you're literate, which means you probably already know all about Posh n' Becks' romantic birthday escapades in Paris. I won't patronise you by repeating the unimaginative and predictable - you'd think all that money could have bought him a little bit of imagination, even if it was someone else's, but no - details of their trip. Nope.
Instead, I am going to give you an in depth and fascinating guide to Goldenballs' new tattoo, because it's his soul laid bare or something, which means you're probably wetting yourself in anticipation. Or you're bored and killing time at work. Who am I to judge?
All the info comes from a source *coughpublicistcough* speaking to Britain's Daily Mail tabloid.
[The tattoo] consists of two 'symbolic' pieces that reflect the 'deep turmoil he feels about going to LA' said a source close to the former England captain.
Most significant, said the source, are the words 'Pray For Me' inscribed on the inside of his right wrist.
"This is how he feels about the massive move from being an English boy through and through, who has represented his country for many years and is now turning his back on England to embrace America," the source said.
"The move was never an easy decision and it wasn't really David's, it was Victoria's from day one.
"The tattoo is not something Victoria wanted him to go ahead with as she felt it would not be a good start to their time in LA, but David was adamant that he would show his true feelings about the move and stop covering it up, even if it is rather cryptic," the source added.
The three words are inscribed next to another symbolic piece Beckham apparently wanted to reflect who he feels he has been for the past ten years - a Knight Templar, symbolised by a cross.
The Templar Knights, recognisable by their white mantle with distinct red cross, are for David the symbols of him and the England team.
He asked the tattoo artist to etch the Knight Templar on his arm as he "feels the knights were the best equipped, trained, and disciplined fighting units of the Crusades, just as he has always tried to be as a footballer representing his team of knights".
The main tattoo on the forearm is a giant angel sentinel, holding a flame in her hand so that her face is illuminated from below. The wings spread round Beckham's arm and merge with the existing tattoos
The second tattoo across his arm is a quote by the Roman Emperor Tiberius and also used by Caligula.
It reads: "Lets them hate (me) as long as they fear (me)."
