Number 1: Victoria Beckham
Yes, I do realize there are other more deserving candidates for the number one spot (see number two) but most people don't quite catch the public eye in the same way as VB; so she is a victim of her own success in these rankings. Fair enough she wanted bigger boobs, there's no harm in that; but you'd think someone with her money and connections could have done better than those strangely shaped oranges super-glued to her chest. What about subtlety, style, sexiness? It seems she just went out to the surgeon and said 'Hey! I want big boobs that get me more attention than Geri. Do your worst!' And they did. However, our Vic denies having any work done, so perhaps she just had some strange growth spurt during her mid twenties, that created that tennis ball effect. Either way, these are some of the strangest breast I've seen in a while, so our number one spot deservedly goes to Mrs beckham of the *ahem* natural breasts.
Number 2: Lolo Ferrari
Well this lady actually died because of her breasts, so I think she's learnt by now that carrying two watermelons stapled to your chest is not a great idea. They were big, they were bouncy, they spoke of years of depression and neuroses and all I can really say is I blame the surgeon. Don't you know that counselling is the answer, rather than a knife when we're dealing with bazookas the size of Britain. God rest her soul.
Number 3: Gemma Atkinson
Now there is just no excuse for this! Fans of Gemma will have drooled over her in Hollyoaks, and that unfortunate late night show that was Hollyoaks Uncut, but even the most loyal fans will have to wonder why the gorgeous creature that she is needed to deface her perky young protuberances with the aid of silicon.. and create a rather lumpy effect at the same time. Now rather than glorious fresh skin and a natural hang we have this strange shelf like effect that does nothing for her.
Number 4: Janet Jackson
Well she wasn't going to make the top five best list was she? No our
Janet seems to like a bit of surgery, flashing, anything really that
will mean people don't immediately question her about Michael. There's
living in a shadow and then there's going to far, and having a whopping dent in your right boob is not a valid career choice. Well, at least she'll have somewhere to balance her drinks..
Number 5: Jodie Marsh
Jordan was also in the running for this position but that poor lass has just had a baby so we thought we'd let her try some yummy mummy stuff for a while before we began besmirching her name again. Instead we have Jodie 'who wants to marry me Marsh' and I think she makes a fine candidate. Over-sized mammary glands? Check. Breasts that look like they have the consistency of rubber? Check. Unnessessarily exposing breasts at any given opportunity? Check. Nipples that seem to be sown on? Check. That's all folks.